Diary of that sparkly black girl.

that moment when… sitting in church you feel like the service was prepared for the state of your heart that morning. 

lambarghini:

it takes a lot to be your own cheerleader when everyone in the crowd isn’t rooting for you. Especially, when you hear them cheering for someone else. I gotta be strong for myself. I have to be.

dear you. 

thank you. for growing me up. i don’t think i can thank you for taking away my naivety but i can thank you for adding to my opinion of people like you. 

thank you for teaching me that all though most people get caught in the act within a couple of months. some people can play you out for a year. 

its so embarrassing that everything people said and warned me about turned out to be true. but that i wanted to have faith in you. instead if judge you. so i ignored it all. gave you chance after chance. and even when you did your version of “confessing” still forgave you enough to be friends. but friends dont lie to each other. and friends don use each other.

but tonight it took someone completely unaffiliated to the situation to bring attention to how stupid i was and how stupid im still being. to continue to even pretend to trust you. 

and honestly i dont know whats worse. that you played me out like that for the entire year. or that now the your trust i worked so unbelievably hard for means nothing to me. because i dont trust you at all. because even when youre not here. you showed me i cant. or that somewhere in my heart i might still actually believe you love me. 

so congrats. because you too. are on my list. and one day you’ll be just a part of this stupid phase i had to go through to grow up. 

Xoxo

yours truly brit.